How am I supposed to stay away from the people that I actually do care about?

I’m scared of everything…

I’m scared of authority, I’m scared of leaving new castle, im scared that ill always live here, I’m scared no one liking me…

I’m scared that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I think someone broke me.

And that’s why I can never do anything. I need to figure my life out…

My medicine isn’t working right now…

Why can’t I just be in the manic stage forever…

I hate when I feel like there are no other emotions other than shitty/ want to kill everyone and deep deep depression that won’t go away.

The only person that I actually feel bad for being shitty towards is the person I’m shitty with the most.

Fuck my life.

Also, I hate the feeling that I’m so close to getting out of this fuck hole but still stuck here.

Also also, I hate that I still live with my overbearing mother that would love for me to be home at 7 pm every night. And is shitty if I’m out until 10 or 11.

And fuck my job. Like for real.

Fuck creepers. Fuck dickheads. Fuck this town. Fuck my parents. Fuck the fact that smoking causes cancer. Fuck the fact that I’m going to be on school for the rest of my fucking shitty life. Fuck my disorder.

I’m going to do homework because I think that actually might calm me down somewhat. And take a bubble bath.

procaine:

Borderline personality disorder symptoms may include:

• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
• Strong emotions that wax and wane frequently
• Intense but short episodes of anxiety or depression
• Inappropriate anger, sometimes escalating into physical confrontations
• Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
• Suicidal behavior
• Fear of being alone

(via teeen-fags)

And just never come out.. Never go back to school, never go back to work, just never do anything again…

I hate feeling like an object instead of a person… It makes me feel awful… Why do people do that…?

School, pointless. I’m never going to achieve at anything. And no one will ever take me seriously.

I think I’m going to look at counting calories. Starting tomorrow… I feel uncomfortable in everything I wear…

Maybe I’ll jog around the park… And eat a side salad or something tomorrow…

I’ve almost successfully stopped smoking… Except apparently when I start to get upset. I wish I could find something healthy to do that makes me feel as good as doing all the terrible things does.

I think I want to lose like ten or fifteen pounds. I hate seeing the numbers in my clothing rise like they have been.

And I didn’t think large was so bad until yesterday…

Fuck it all.

I’ll go to another show… He doesn’t want me here…

At least I’m wasted.

That helps only slightly